Ten ways to get better at networking

• Networking is vital for business, exchanging details often doesn’t lead to real connection.
• Finding context in an interaction, starting up conversations in everyday places and asking the right questions will work in your favour.
• Saying yes and increasing your luck by increasing your interactions is key. Whatever you do, start now.

Networking is one of those things in business we often feel we should do. But the fear of awkward silences and forced conversations at events pushes most of us out of our comfort zone.

You might exchange contact details, but more often than not, you don’t follow up — and the chance for real connection that leads somewhere positive for both parties slips away.

But what if I told you there’s a much easier way to create truly meaningful moments? And that these ‘collisions’ could have a far wider-reaching impact in terms of opportunities?

It all starts with changing your mindset and applying three key principles:

• Giving yourself permission to strike up a conversation
• Harnessing your confidence and experience
• Finding the right context

It’s a framework I have developed over more than 20 years in business and captured in The Collision Code.

Here, I’ll share 10 tips to master this approach and unlock the key to networking with real intention.

1. Context, context, context

For me, context is the key to everything. If you’re at a networking event, the context is implicit — you’re expected to chat to the other people in the room. 

But outside of that structure, it can feel impossible to approach new people. Finding common ground opens up a world of opportunities.

Try asking yourself: “What’s happening right now that allows me to make a connection without making others feel uncomfortable?” It’s a repeatable process that’s respectful and can generate great results.

Have you ever noticed how if you’re walking with a dog, it’s very normal, or expected even, to interact with others. The dog walk provides the context to start a conversation. Now, I’m not suggesting you take a dog with you everywhere you go (although that could be a great talking point), but try to find the equivalent in whatever circumstance you find yourself in.

2. Talk to the person next to you 

This may sound obvious, but good networking doesn’t have to wait for a dedicated event.

You’d be surprised how many valuable conversations you can have just by turning to the person next to you — and asking an interesting question.

And here’s where permission has a part to play. People often think they don’t have permission to say hello or to ask a question. But humans are naturally social creatures and by extension that permission is inherited; it doesn’t need to be given.

Years ago I was recruiting for Student Beans and the person next to me on the train happened to be carrying a printed CV. This led to a chance conversation between us and ultimately a job offer for him and a perfectly timed new employee for me. 

And that’s just one example.

I’ve secured major business opportunities, avoided travel chaos for my train carriage, and made lifelong friends simply by looking up in any situation and speaking to the person on my left or right.  

Not everyone will always want to chat, and that’s OK but you’ll never know unless you try.

3. Ask the right questions

A simple way to ensure a valuable exchange is to really think about if you’re asking the right questions. 

The best ice breakers are ones that allow people to give an open answer that can indicate how happy they are to talk to you. Here’s a few I always fall back on.

• “What do you think of this place?” (Great for starting a conversation at a shared location, like a cafe, park or event).
• “How did you discover this book/song/movie?” (This works well when noticing someone’s interest in something specific)
• “What’s been the highlight of your day so far?” (This invites the person to share something positive and opens up conversation)
• “What brought you here today?” (This is useful in events, classes or social gatherings to understand someone’s motivation)

Being prepared with a question in advance can be a great strategy at a business networking event too. If there’s a talk or presentation where the host asks for questions and you have one you can i) get an answer and ii) become known to others in the room, providing context for them to talk to you afterwards!

4.

Share something you love

It’s easy to feel you’ve got to be selling yourself or your business at all times. But have you thought about flipping the narrative and leading a conversation simply by sharing something you love. 

Some of my most valuable business connections have actually been initiated outside of pitching my company’s proposition. When you find something you love, it makes it so easy to genuinely want to share it. And in doing so, you gain in a very different way to when you’re in ‘opportunity-seeking’ mode. 

When I was in Hvar, I started a conversation with someone.

She worked at a media agency, but we didn’t talk about work, instead swapping stories and recommendations from our time in Croatia.

A few months later I received a LinkedIn request and message from her — the agency had a brief on entrepreneurial mindset and wondered if I could run a session. 

It turned into really valuable work, and it all started with a simple hello. No pitching, no selling. This way, you can not only help others, but build a stronger connection.

5. Say ‘yes’ more

Time is very precious — and for most business owners — incredibly stretched, so it can feel impossible to carve out time for networking on top of running your business.

But rather than thinking of it as an additional thing you’ve got to do, try to make small habitual changes that allow you to say yes more.

Take the call you’ve been avoiding, reply to the message from an old connection, go to the event you’re a bit too tired for.

I really try (as much as is possible) to say yes to most things, and I can pinpoint so many opportunities I would have missed if I hadn’t pushed past some initial reservations.

There’s exceptions to this of course, but if it costs you nothing and could lead to something, I bet nine times out of 10 you won’t regret it.

6. Manufacture your own luck

You can’t control luck. But what I’m trying to show with these tips is that you can control your chances of getting lucky. 

So much of success in business (and life) comes down to timing and opportunity — and that’s where networking plays its part.

The more you show up, engage, and nurture your connections, the more luck you’ll appear to have. Though really, you’ll have built it yourself.

7.

Use failure as an opportunity for connection

A bit like not always being in ‘opportunity-seeking’ mode, I’d also advise you not to always focus on your successes in conversations.

Vulnerability around failure is such a great way to meaningfully connect with someone. It’s easy to believe that confidence comes from racking up successes. But it’s just as easily generated by learning from failures. 

If you think about everything as happening ‘for’ you, rather than ‘to’ you, it’s possible to turn dire situations into new opportunities.

8. Reframe rejection

Just as failure can be an interesting way to connect, learning to deal with rejection can also help toughen you up when it comes to having to put yourself out there.

In an early telesales job I had, I got used to hearing ‘no’ 700 times each day. Not only did this teach me how to handle setbacks, but it taught me the ability to pivot conversations.

Sometimes I’ve found a ‘no’ shifts the conversation and a totally different opportunity presents itself. But that only happens if you don’t immediately shut down the conversation and move on.  

9. Maximise your existing network

We tend to think of networking as finding new connections, but there could be untold potential in our existing networks — we just haven’t fully explored it yet.

If you want help in making something happen, ask someone who’s done it before. More often than not, people want to help out. 

And what you might find is there are people in your network who’ve gone through the challenges you’re facing, and with a little digging you can find those worth reaching out to for advice.

10. Get going

Most importantly, I’d say to just get going. Don’t think of building connections as something you’ll do ‘when x happens’.

By then it will probably be too late. The more we connect with each other, the more good things we can make happen, together.

Or, as I like to say, the more we collide, the better it gets.

Why not use this article as the context to strike up a conversation with someone you’ve wanted to talk to today?

James Eder is the co-founder of Student Beans (now Pion) and the author of The Collision Code.

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